Woman kills thug, escapes on subway

Thoughts?

If Only

If only I knew how to get there
I think I've lost my way;
All the dreams that I've forgotten
And the things I meant to say.

If only there were somehow
To find my wings and fly;
But perhaps I'm meant to learn
How to ignore the urge to cry.

If only my voice could be heard
Strong and vibrant through the air;
But I'm such a fool to believe
That anyone might even care.

If only I hadn't given up
On who I might or could have been;
Maybe then life would seem worth living
And merely breathing wouldn't feel like such a sin.

Merry Christmas to one and all

Since I'm going to be out of town tonight and most of tomorrow, I'd like to just say "Merry Christmas" to everyone right now!

Of course, Marc and I being atheists, we don't really celebrate. But still!

Merry Christmas!

Yay!

Marc's starting a new job tomorrow! Yay! He'll be making a little more than he was at O'Reilly's, at least for a little while. I'm hoping that it'll turn out permanent. He'll also be getting paid weekly. Very nice.

I've gotta get the house cleaned up for him now... well, not right this minute, but soon. Very soon.

F-bombs beyond the jump

Okay, so I finally went to the dentist yesterday - I haven't been in about a year - and got to have my teeth examined and "appraised." The damage this time totals $2,058.

Still swimming along

Just a short post to let you all know that I'm still here, just haven't had the energy to do much lately. Fibromyalgia, a bad tooth and stress are totally kicking my ass right now. I did draw a fishy today though. I don't like it much, but I'll share anyways.

Hope you all are well!

Gobble Gobble Gobble!

If I had to pick my favorite holiday, it's Thanksgiving. It's all about getting together with your favorite people, usually family, and chowing down on some bomb-diggity food. For our Thanksgiving we had salads to start then turkey loaf with gravy (the kind you get in the frozen food aisle in the little roasting pan and a cardboard lid), mashed potatoes, stuffing, broccoli casserole and Sweet Hawaiian rolls followed by pumpkin pie. It was nothing short of delicious. Marco cleaned off two plates! I barely finished mine. I was so full from my full plate. All my food was mounded and touching each other on a large dinner plate, if that tells you anything! Ha!

SO here's some photos

bewilderment

It's that time of night again where I go searching for a buzz... anything that will give me that warm feeling, the light almost-electric "hum" in my nerves that both relaxes and strains me. I've found myself feeling the "need" to get high almost every day at some point or another, but most strongly in the evenings. I don't search out a buzz every night, although when I do it's nearly always around 7 or 8 in the evening. The reason for doing it is still a mystery to me; my only explanation for it is that I'm an addict. There are no limits to my addiction, either: anything that can give me those warm fuzzies or help me forget reality and the burdens of life for a moment will suffice.

Looking up

First off, I apologize to those of you who've been back every day to see if I've posted something new. I'm sorry I left you hanging for so long. Things have been a little hectic around here between trying to get and keep the house clean before my folks come on Tuesday -- they'll be here for three days -- and trying to stay amused. I've recently gone a bit OCD on peeling my fingernail off on my left thumb; whether it's straight-up OCD or anxiety (or some combination of the two, perhaps), I haven't a clue. It hurts, and I want to stop... but I just can't seem to. I guess as long as it doesn't get infected, I'm okay. I'll just keep trying to leave it alone I suppose.

Some great news -- Marco has a physical and drug test on Monday for Toyota.... Finally, he'll be making the amount that his dedication, loyalty, and reliability actually warrants, thank goodness. He starts at the Princeton, Indiana plant in about three weeks. The sort-of bummer about it is that he got the job through a temp agency which means that they get some of what he makes as commission and it's not for certain whether he will be able to stay there after his contract is done. Also, we don't know just how long the contract is even for. I guess we will just have to keep our fingers crossed, although I'm fairly sure that they'll see the same awesome things about his hard work as O'Reilly's has and not want to lose him. It's unfortunate that they couldn't pay him what he's actually worth (or even something approaching it would've been great), but it's their loss. Marco and I will both be laughing about it - in totally "I told you so" fashion," natch - when they can't find someone that comes anywhere close to replacing him. He's more or less been the assistant manager there for over a year - without the pay or the title. It's bull, really, and I'm thankful that we've been able to stick it out and get the timing right for the opportunity he's pounced on.

So hopefully by this time next year, we'll be living in an actual house in a quieter area. Princeton's not a bad town, although I'm only going on what Marco's told me. If things go well, we might be out of the trailer by March or April at the latest, November if things don't go according to plan.... So I suppose we're aiming for July or August... because we all know that nothing ever goes totally according to the plan.

Hope all you loverly readers are well! <3

The Paulding Light

For the longest time, there have been persistent rumors and belief that The Paulding Light is a haunted site. Check it out for yourself -- The Mysterious "Paulding Light" on YouTube - contains some information and one of few recordings of the light.

It's Harder Than I Thought

One of the things I've been really missing lately is, surprisingly, the one thing I didn't think I would miss all that much.

Home. The place where I come from, the place that allowed me to be protected to some small extent.... I can't honestly imagine having grown up anywhere else, although it had its shortcomings. At least I thought they were shortcomings; as it turns out, they're actually perks in their own quirky ways.

The Upper Peninsula of Michigan @ Panoramio

Life's a Bitch

As much as I hate to complain (alright, perhaps I like to complain, although I hate the amount of complaining that comes from me -- does that make any sense?), one of my biggest problems in life is not getting due recognition. I'm not talking about being under-appreciated or unloved; I'm talking about fame levels.


Most folks, after they've known me for a little while, know that I would absolutely love to be recognized for my vocal talent and social vision. The view that "people are people are people" (or something similar to such) is a rather common one, although it's not brought into practice enough. A lot of the material that I write (and aspire to write) involves that view. If there were any one dream that I could have become a reality, it would be for my thoughts, ideas and honest love for people and their well-being to come to fruition.

Drunky II

Well, as I just commented on Argentum Vulgaris's blog over @ Life is Just like That..., I've been partaking in the alcohol yet again tonight. I had some interesting word verifications there: first one was "dionregix" and the second was "impsy;" had I posted a third comment, I would've needed to verify my comment with "jewbonic." Hahaha... has anyone else ever noticed some funny little word creations coming up in the verification process? I've had some rather hilarious ones at times as well as some actually related to the subject matter of the blog I was commenting on... coincidental, I'm sure. :)

What have some of your funny little word verifications been?

Today was a day full of win:

Pandemic!

I found out about a really cool evil game yesterday browsing around on It Made My Day -- in this game, you are supposed to create, evolve, and mutate a nasty bug and infect the world with it. Haha. Pandemic II can be found and played here. Just make sure that you have any Ad Blockers you may have on your computer turned off on that page to access it otherwise it won't play. After a short ad, the game will load.

I also wanted to mention that, no, I am not ignoring comments, I just don't feel that I really absolutely must reply to every one of them if I don't really feel up to it. You wonderful folks have done a great job making sure that I feel

That does it!

I finally broke down and bought ear plugs (or rather mom and dad did via that invaluable thing called an ATM - thanks yous guys!). I got the silicone ones that you have to shape and mold to your ear. I'm a little worried about using them too much though -- in the past, I would get outer ear infections regularly simply from sleeping on one side too many nights in a row! I'm concerned that if I wear them nightly it might be the same thing and not having insurance or even a primary care doctor... that's the last thing I need. I'm a big cry baby with ear infections - there's few things more painful to me.

Pandora's other box

Just a quick post today as I don't have anything going on to talk about, nor can I really collect my thoughts enough to organize a story properly.

Instead, I thought I would share with you one of my absolute favorite sites on the internet. Many of you have probably heard of it, but there's still a few folks who have no idea about this ingenious little piece of software.

Pandora (http://www.pandora.com) is, in my humble opinion, the absolute best way to discover your favorite music. I've found so many great artists, groups, and ensembles through using it -- Just start off by searching for one of your favorite songs or artists, and you will soon be on an unforgettable and addictive journey of music discovery.

Best of all, it's completely free!

Enjoy!

Little Epiphanies

Every now and then I happen to acquire little thoughts that come with better self-centering and balancing. Today, I had the opportunity to grow a little. It made me a little more peaceful, I guess. This morning while we were on our way to Denny's, Stephanie and I got some soda right before she had to be there to work. When I came home, I drank about half of it before going back to bed to sleep a little more. I never can seem to sleep eight hours in one chunk; the occasion on which I do is a rather rare occurrence. Don't get me wrong either - I can sleep like nobody's business anyway, just not all at once like that. I've always been a bit of an insomniac like that.

Anyhow, I digress.

SERIOUSLY WTF

THIS IS IN ALL CAPS TO REFLECT MY SEVERE ANNOYANCE AND ANXIETY SURROUNDING THE ISSUE.

MY NOISY NEIGHBORS HAVE GOTTEN EVEN WORSE -- NOW THE ONES THAT BLASTED THE MUSIC SHOUT AND HAVE DOGS BARKING, THE ONES THAT HOLLER AND HAVE DOGS BARKING NOW HAVE LOUD MUSIC PLAYING TOO.

TODAY IS A SEVERE ANXIETY ATTACK DAY. I JUST CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!! IF I CALL THE COPS, I FEAR ONE OR BOTH OF THE NEIGHBORS WILL DO DAMAGE TO MY VEHICLE, HOME, OR EVEN ATTACK. IF I TELL THE LANDLADY, SHE WON'T DO ANYTHING. IF I BLAST MY MUSIC, IT JUST ADDS TO MY PANIC.

I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANY MORE! I GOT TWO HOURS OF SLEEP, CAN'T NAP FOR ALL THE DAMN NOISE, AND NOW I JUST CAN'T STOP CRYING THE NOISE IS SO STRESSFUL FOR ME. I HAVE DELICATE NERVES ANYWAY -- THIS ISN'T HELPING!!

Wretch and fetch

I'd like to apologize to you, my readers and followers, for my absence as of late. I've not been feeling quite right for a few days and I'm also putting my nose to the grind stone to have some sober fun. I'd say it hasn't been easy to do so, but it has. Ha. It has been both fun and time consuming, so I let the blog go by the wayside for a bit.

I've also been out of things to really talk about lately as nothing new is really going on here. There's plenty of stories from the past that I could tell, but nothing that can't be told another time when I'm feeling more "with it."

All in all, I'm just trying to take it easy here and not stress myself out with non-obligations while job hunting and fulfilling what obligations I do have to take care of here. I hope everyone is doing well... and hopefully I'll be back to daily updates again soon.

In the mean time, why not check out each others' blogs? I know nearly every commenter and follower I have here has their own great blogs, and I can't tell you how many I've found just by going through their follower lists. :)

Cardinal sub-rule

Don't get greedy.

Work It

Well, now that the jackpot for Three-Eyed Bingo has finally bust -- and not on me -- I can blog without feeling as though I'm going to miss something. Never mind that I totally took a nap and someone won literally minutes after that. Oh well.

So I went to see my friend and adviser the other day to get some advice about those pesky job applications that I am now starting to fill out again. See, one of my biggest problems while filling out an application is what to write in the space marked "reason for leaving." I absolutely hate to lie or even mislead, especially when it says that doing so on an application will likely lead to termination... but I can't tell them the actual truth about how I've ended up leaving my past jobs; to do so would be like saying, "Hey, I just wasted your time and mine by filling out this application, but just laugh hysterically as you chuck it out and you'll feel better about it."

So what do you say when the situation is just as bad as it sounds?

Don't Jump

I was woken up at midnight with a text in reply to my "Don't hate yourself or me. Just know that I hope to see you on October 12, 2010"....

I never thought the lyrics for Third Eye Blind's "Jumper" would be my background music and fit.

DONE

I saw this today as I was dropping Steph and the girls off at her house. Just a few houses away, there is fail in full force. It made my day (keyword henceforth: IMMD). :)

On a serious note, I have decided to, for the time being, cut ties with the person that inspired "I'm Going Home." Because there are not going to be any names mentioned, I feel that I can tell you the story and not feel as though I've sold anyone out. Be warned: this tale contains drug references, homosexual references, and a peeved Jenno.

I'm Going Home

I was just a party to some kind of messed up experience.... Not really messed up, nothing super-major. But messed up nonetheless.

So, of course, me being as pissed off and determined to not watch another freaking train wreck... and being drunk along with the inspiration of this song (no, not Marco. He doesn't even drink.)...

I really just need to talk about it to get some perspective on what in the world I'm supposed to do. The thing about that is that it's really some really deep crap if you're not used to the rough and rumble way of getting on. So, not being able to talk about it....

Naturally, I wrote a song about it.

Mini-award time!

To JW for figuring out the last recipe posted as being Sloppy Joes....

Yes, it's totally a little sloppy drawing of sloppy joe on a pedestal! Enjoy! :D

drunky

If solo drinking makes one an alcoholic, I'm well on my way.

Pretty much the only way I ever drink any more is by myself... more because all my friends here have kids and don't go anywhere than the fact that I don't go much of anywhere.

So tonight I'm sitting here drinking whiskey and Rolling Rock. Woo. Go me. It's not like there's really much of anything else to be doing today. It's been piss-pouring all day long, it's getting cold outside finally....

Which reminds me, I meant to mention something about the concept of hot and cold the other day here. Is it just me, or does living in one climate for an extended period of time make you more... "attuned" to that climate? For example, it may be all of 52 degrees here today, but I am freezing my tooshie off! When I was living in Michigan, however, 52 was T-shirt weather. Hell, I'd still wear my flip-flops for half the winter there. Here in Indiana, though, 52 feels really freaking cold. I've got a sweater, t-shirt, yoga pants, and jeans on... and fleece booties (complete with the little gripper doodads on the bottom (side note: doodads is an actual word, according to FireFox spellchecker.)).

Keep in mind that I still truly believe that socks are evil.

I will not deny that they are dead useful. That is a fact. I still believe them to be evil.

I don't know... today has just been a weird day. I don't know how to feel about it. I'm so used to feeling one way or another about... well, everything. Today is the day I make my best straight, stoic face and say, "it's just another day."

I hope tomorrow actually has something interesting and exciting in store for me... although I know the chances of that are quite slim. It's about time I go out and figure out my own future.

If only I could stop being scared long enough to come to terms with the world around me.

Grr.

I'm feeling uninspired and untalented today.

I can't draw anything to save my life.

I seriously wish some of that artistic talent that my sister got from my dad would've rubbed off on me today. I could probably sing really good today, on the other hand. That's usually how it goes: if one talent is seriously lacking, the other improves greatly. Generally speaking, that only happens when  my visual art suffers. Figures.

I wish that I could think of some better things to try and draw than people or oven mitts or Halloween pumpkins. There's several things in my mind, but I can't draw them. It's very very frustrating to have a clear picture in mind that you can't put to paper. I hate it.

It's the closest to torture as I'll likely get any time soon. Thankfully, it's not painful.

Just really really annoying.

Guess the recipe - There's a trophy involved!

Try this out. Anyone care to guess what it is?

3 lbs. lean ground beef
1 extra large onion (I prefer Vidalias), minced, preferably chopped into fine paste
3/4 tsp steak seasoning of your choice (I prefer Grill Master's Montreal Steak)
1/4 tsp salt (sea salt is best!)

Brown beef together over low-med heat in skillet of your choice with above ingredients. Smash it into little tiny bits until it's all broken down... and browned. Simmer over low heat.

between 1 and 3/4 cups - 2 and 1/4 cups ketchup (depends on how wet you want them to be, how ketchupy)
between 2 tbs. and 1/4 cup yellow mustard (depends how sour you want them to be)
1/2 tsp vinegar (yes vinegar! preferably white) - (depends how tart you want them to be)
1 tbs brown sugar (just add this amount and trust.)

Mix together until well-blended and heated well. If it starts bubbling, it's definitely done, so turn it off, slap some on a bun and eat it. It's good. :)

Lorenzo has a friend!

This is Roy. He wanted to come keep Lorenzo company for a while. :)

(I have a very strange habit of naming *everything.* Marco does the same except it's simply "her" or "him." I give things actual names and stories.)

By the way, Lorenzo said thanks for talking to him while I'm away. He enjoys every odd little word you whisper to him. (He said it, not me.)

Requisites for Acceptance

...of an award!

I don't know how it happened, but even though I've been blogging for just over three weeks now, the awards to my blog have already started piling in.

Waiting is hard to do.

Simply awaiting a verdict in Marco's hearing today with his debtors. I don't have much to say, so here's a chicken with a flamethrower.

UPDATE: They're likely going to go ahead with garnishment of his wages, although it won't be much every month. It'll be a while before we know anything else.

The Punch Line

So this week has been a rough one.

I'm feeling very anxious with all the noise in the neighborhood still, although it's been a little quieter than usual over the last couple days now. Odd.

Marco's got court tomorrow afternoon over a couple thousand dollars of debt that he got stuck with. I'm hoping it goes well, although it likely won't. If it doesn't, at least we know that his ex-wife can help pay for it now -- after all, she did a lot of the shopping with the accrued debt in question.

Hiiiii-yah!

Day of rest is going well. Here's an old photo of me complete with old-lady-ish neck and Marc playing with one of our "creations" to make you LOL.

Taking a day or two off

My anxiety is at a peak, as is my depression and negative outlook. I need some time to clear my head and try to calm myself down for a day or two. Between the various aches of the last week or so and the incessant noise from the neighbors together with the ever-present stress of being unemployable, I can feel that something is about to go horribly wrong in my head to throw me under my own train again... and I must do whatever I can to stop this. It is a very unfortunate and trying complication with my Borderline Personality Disorder.

This is actually a fairly regular occurrence for me, unfortunately. I will explain more about it sometime in the next week, likely in my next posting. Until then, just know that I will get through this, and yes, I will be back. Everything will eventually be okay again.

I will be back to blogging with continued daily updates beginning again on Saturday or Sunday.

I Hate My 'Hood.

Feeling like crap still, but I am going up the walls with all the neighborhood noise.

On one side, I have screaming, pounding, people always going in and out yelling at one another or just sitting out there talking (and the "lady" of the house recently told her son not to help Stephanie move unless I wasn't there -- over what I don't know)....

On the other side, I have a loud stereo and TV, two extra cars parked outside (I'm fairly sure they're not on the lease), and daily fights and more pounding of things....

Gamer Break

I'm totally not feeling it today. Not feeling like being awake, not feeling like eating, not feeling like saying a bloody word. And yet, here I sit, typing away. Hmmph.

I woke up with a massive migraine this morning while Marco was fast asleep on the couch so he wouldn't wake me when he came to bed. If I've not been getting good sleep, he'll take up the sofa instead. Last night, however, he would've been more than welcome in bed with me; I was up about every hour, tossing and turning, and taking a while to fall back to sleep every time.

That's not my bag, baby!

Well, my computer is kind of on the lam at the moment; it fell off the table one night at about two in the morning (it scared the bejeezus out of Marco) while I was commenting over at Charlene's blog -- The Balance Beam (please forgive me if the tag isn't quite right - on Marco's computer and don't have it in front of me) and hasn't been quite right ever since. The second master drive is said to have imminent fail written all over it. It's not too bad though as that particular drive is just a filler drive that I was using for memory. Now it's just a simple matter of reallocating the memory to the main hard drive again, transferring the files from the failing volume over to my primary drive, and setting the secondary slave back up as the primary's slave again. Thank god it was normal to tinker with crap in my house growing up, that's all I've got to say.

So anyways, for today I thought perhaps I would present to you all a list of why I decided having kids was not for me. It should be both entertaining and revealing.

Wal-Mart FTL (for the loss)

Yesterday evening, I set about my errand of returning our rentals to the RedBox. For those not in the know, the RedBox is a DVD rental service that uses the technology of a touch screen, a pop machine, and a video store clerk all at once to bring you new and old releases alike for only a dollar per rental, per night (tax not included). The first time I had used this RedBox was to rent these movies, although I'd accompanied my friend Stephanie to perform this same task on numerous occasions; it'd be no sweat.

Well, renting the movies wasn't a problem at all. It was a breeze, as usual. The problem was returning them, although it would have been obscenely simple had there not been an impostor BlueBox that took the place of the one that was just a RedBox the night before.

Epic Fail

About seven years ago, I still believed that everything in life would just automatically fall into place if I was in the right place at the right time. I enrolled in college to study cosmetology, although I dropped out of the program on the second day of classes (it was entirely too superficial an environment for me to stand). Once finally getting settled in there, however, I ended up in the general education program (as in "undeclared" or as they like to call them, "future dropouts" -- I wish I hadn't scoffed at the second one). I was given one class that I really hated (Greeks and the Bible) and another that I couldn't keep up with (English Composition, 101 with a teacher's assistant, no less), and another that I actually enjoyed (Sociology 101). I didn't quite get it still that there was really some hard work, perseverance, and a lot less alcohol involved in success.

Things to do whilst I'm away

So today's kind of an "off day" for me here -- still ended up getting a "fare" this morning -- my other friend Lori needed a ride today, so I was happy to oblige, as was my gas tank.

Just a short post of fun links to visit when you run out of other things to do.

Gamesville by Lycos -- free to play, free to win. Addicting as all get out. Many a post have been delayed because of Three-Eyed Bingo.

X17 Online -- I won tickets for a Pink concert in Alexandria, VA from this site (although I'm obviously not going to be able to make it, it was a possibility for a fleeting moment) -- all the raunchiest, dirtiest, nastiest rumors on TinselTown and "the biz." One of my guilty pleasures.

Something Awful -- I recommend Photoshop Phriday. I don't dig too deep on that site though -- there's a lot of gross stuff there that can't just be magically unseen.

Engrish -- Say what you want, sometimes abuse of the English language on foreign packaging and products is just plain hilarious. This site explores the best of the worst from Asia, shared by its users.

Motifake -- Some of the funniest and stupidest and nastiest things I've seen, in the form of Motivational posters. Awesomeness.

Haiku #1

Post thoughts on a screen
    Return again and again
       Is it OCD?

Indecision

In a little of a funk, so mind your head; the light's dim in here today.

I may not be writing a blog for tomorrow; Marco will be off for the first Sunday in a very long time. He usually works open to close on Sunday, so it'll be awesome to have him home for a change.

So today I've been thinking about how hanging in limbo, waiting for life to start, is just no fun. Not really feeling sorry for myself, as I'm not too depressed about it, since I am at least trying. It's just been rather difficult for me to figure out what I want to do with my life, since I have to be here anyways and all. I'm trying to figure out what is most important to me; what do I really want to achieve? There's just too many options for me to comprehend sometimes. It gets frustrating when there are so many things to do but only so many that I actually enjoy and even fewer that I enjoy AND could make a life of doing.

WTF?! Friday

I've decided to start a new "feature piece" on my blog --  the last Friday of every month shall henceforth be known in JennoLand as WTF?! Friday featuring all those things that leave me going, "What in the f**k is that?!"

So without further ado, today's topic is plastic surgery. Now, I have had thoughts about how my nose is too bulbous or my under-chin is too big... or how I would like to have just ever-so-slightly poutier lips. I've never seriously considering going under the needle or knife for it, though.

What I don't understand is just how some folks can continually butcher their already-good looks to become unrecognizable, even to their family. I also don't understand quantum physics or how the whole "speed of light and sound" thing works... but I don't think there really is any justification for continually modifying one's appearance just because it's not perfect. The thing about perfection, especially when it comes to appearances, is that (and this is just my experience; your mileage may vary) the harder you try to perfect it, the farther away from perfection you will get.

I present to you Exhibits A through E, after the jump.

Just Fight Me

Here's a song/poem I wrote when in a particularly deep funk. I won't do double posting days very often but when I do, the second will likely be something similar to this -- artistic, whether visual, written, or in some other way in nature.

Front Page News

It had been a long day at work for me -- I came in at 7:30 to open. By the time Marco came to get me at four, right after he went on his lunch break, I was sore, tired, but still in a really good mood. We were going to go home and eat lunch together before he got back to work, and I was going to spend my evening cleaning the apartment up, although I didn't tell him as much. He was already planning on giving me some good lovin's - he mentioned it a few times in the space it took for me to get in the car with him - but I thought it might be nice for him to come home to clean, uncluttered living quarters for once (this was well before the days of the Job Jar, obviously).

As we were going down Hart Street, more or less one of two "main drags" in town, there was a large amount of smoke hanging in the sky all the way on the other end of town. Hell, it looked like it may have even been across the river, in Illinois... but as we came closer to the end of Hart Street and made our turn onto Third Street, you could see the intersection of Hart and Second Street - our street - blocked off by police cars. We usually turned on Seminary which is the next one up from Hart, but Marco went a block further to the next turn. As we passed Seminary, I looked in the direction of our apartment building through the trees, just barely able to make it out beyond the intersection. My mind exploded when I could not unsee what I had just glimpsed.

The Big, Bad Bully

One topic that is somewhat difficult yet therapeutic for me to discuss is bullying. Nearly 30% of America's youth is either a target for bullies, bullying others, or both at one point or another. Of that 30%, in a survey among 6th to 10th grade students, 13% did the bullying, 11% were the target, and another 6% were involved with both bullying and being bullied. (via SafeYouth.org) I myself, unsurprisingly to most, was a target for bullying while I was growing up. Its effects on me were both profound and long-lasting -- it is also the alleged cause of my onset of Borderline Personality Disorder, or at least one of the triggers. I still struggle, to this day, to effectively manage my negative self-talk and keep it in check. Occasionally, I even have "flash backs" to the worst moments I've endured.

Art Pictorial

Today seems like as good a day as any to share some of my digital art. A couple years ago I bought a digital pen tablet from Ebay after many years of fighting with my mouse for control. At the time, I was in a guild on the Shards of Dalaya EverQuest free server. For those who don't know, EverQuest is an insanely popular Massively Multi-player Online Role Playing Game, and a guild is like an in-game family of sorts. Anyway, my guild leader and her husband are both insanely talented digital artists. As far as I know, they both use their talents commercially. My guild leader helped me learn some basics of PhotoShop and Flash drawing and illustrating and was always very supportive in helping me improve. She was the one who told me about pen tablets -- if I hadn't met her, I'd likely still be wondering how some people can draw so darn well with just a mouse!

So a little less than a story today, but rather a pictorial of some of my adventures in visual art after the jump. Hope you enjoy it.

This is my only job....

Well, tonight I was supposed to be getting together with a friend for an evening of drunken Scrabble but it turns out that he had to stay at work for more overtime. I suppose it's just as well since I didn't get enough sleep last night and woke up crabby, sore, and already wanting to go back to bed. If only there had been a screw it button next to my bed; I surely would've pressed it today.

Then again, had I done that, I would've been skipping out on pretty much every responsibility entrusted to me, and I can't have that. It's not like life is really asking all that much of me right now anyway. I get up early, drive the neighbor (who's moving across town by the first of October *sniffles*) to work, sometimes catch a nap, help get her kids off the bus and then cart her back across town. After that, I do my chores and the rest of the evening is all mine. So yeah... life's really not asking too much right now.

Rainy days are here again...

I absolutely love rainy days. They take me back to a special little happy place. Today's a nice, dreary, gloomy, drizzly day here. This summer's been fairly dry; a lot of the corn was lost last year due to floods - this year the problem was not enough rain. We haven't had a great deal of thunderstorms this year, either. The few that we have had were fairly weak, with one or two exceptions. Another of my favorite pass-times is watching the weather, both online (The Weather Channel, NOAA on the web, Weather Underground) and outside either on the porch or giving chase in the car. While I do love the excitement that seeing severe weather can bring, I'm kind of glad at the same time that we haven't had too much of it. The first time I heard the tornado sirens here was kind of crazy.

Summer Ramble

Ah, Indiana summers. So hot, humid, and overbearing... nothing like the summers in the upper peninsula of Michigan. I remember there usually being a cool breeze, the scent of fresh water and trees on the wind.... Sure, I don't get chewed up by mosquitoes nearly as much here in Indiana, but then again, I go outside a whole heck of a lot less, too. Growing up, I'd say roughly half my time was spent outside, and the other half was divided between sleeping and watching TV. If it weren't for the heat, sweatiness, and odor of pigs on the breeze here, I might spend more time outside. Aside from those issues, there's also bigger, hungrier mosquitoes and less large, grassy areas around here (It's all corn fields!). There's also nowhere to go swimming... and that is a big problem for me.

Writer's Block

So today I thought I might put off posting my daily blog until later in the day because of the inner monologue: 

omg, what am i going to write about today? um, um... uhh... hmm....

I still haven't quite decided, even as I quite obviously sit here writing typing this up... but you just know, coming from me, that it's going to be yet another long-winded post that somehow has some hidden (or obvious) meaning. Either way, I'm doing it now. Procrastination is so overrated.

Busy Day...

I somehow managed to stay occupied all day, so now, at the end of my day I'm too pooped out to actually cook anything. I wish I could, but it tends to be too much work for me to undertake after a long day. Aside from borderline personality disorder, I also suffer from fibromyalgia. What that basically means is that, regardless of my activity level, most days I'm really friggin' sore. It's like a muscle ache but feels deeper than that, but not quite bone level. It's really weird.

So I ended up cooking myself some Lipton Rice Sides cheddar cheese and broccoli for dinner. That was good enough.

But I'd still like some Chicken Parmesan sometime soon.

A Day Off

Wow, I overslept. I'm usually up-and-at-'em by six in the morning or so, so it's somewhat odd for me to just now be waking up at nearly one in the afternoon. Back in the day (like there actually was a "day"), I could sleep like nobody's business. Partly because I was so depressed, partly because I was so bored, mostly because I just didn't care. Nowadays I actually have a few responsibilities to take care of during the day, some days more than others. Generally speaking, I don't have to even get up on Sunday or Monday mornings if I don't want to, but it's just easier to maintain my routine if I do.

Starting Over

So yesterday I posted my introduction and in it mentioned that I'm not originally from Indiana. I moved here from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan in January, 2008 so that my boyfriend Marco and I could be together. It's not really an exciting story, nor is it all that funny, but I hesitate to say it's not weird. Although internet dating has gained momentum and popularity over the last ten years or so, it is still seen by many as odd and sometimes even dangerous.

Introduction to Jenno

Well, I suppose now would be as good a time as any to introduce myself. My name is Jenny (although I actually prefer to be called "Jenno" nowadays) and I'm a blogging addict. No, this is not my first foray into blogging -- how would I already be addicted if it was? I have been blogging off and on for about 4 years on various issues including, but not limited to: kink, music, life, love, history, politics, education, and of course, myself. I am 26 years old and live in southwestern Indiana in a crappy-but-livable trailer with my wonderful, amazing, awesome boyfriend Marco. There's a story about how I got here, too, which I will share with you at some point later on.