bewilderment

It's that time of night again where I go searching for a buzz... anything that will give me that warm feeling, the light almost-electric "hum" in my nerves that both relaxes and strains me. I've found myself feeling the "need" to get high almost every day at some point or another, but most strongly in the evenings. I don't search out a buzz every night, although when I do it's nearly always around 7 or 8 in the evening. The reason for doing it is still a mystery to me; my only explanation for it is that I'm an addict. There are no limits to my addiction, either: anything that can give me those warm fuzzies or help me forget reality and the burdens of life for a moment will suffice.

Looking up

First off, I apologize to those of you who've been back every day to see if I've posted something new. I'm sorry I left you hanging for so long. Things have been a little hectic around here between trying to get and keep the house clean before my folks come on Tuesday -- they'll be here for three days -- and trying to stay amused. I've recently gone a bit OCD on peeling my fingernail off on my left thumb; whether it's straight-up OCD or anxiety (or some combination of the two, perhaps), I haven't a clue. It hurts, and I want to stop... but I just can't seem to. I guess as long as it doesn't get infected, I'm okay. I'll just keep trying to leave it alone I suppose.

Some great news -- Marco has a physical and drug test on Monday for Toyota.... Finally, he'll be making the amount that his dedication, loyalty, and reliability actually warrants, thank goodness. He starts at the Princeton, Indiana plant in about three weeks. The sort-of bummer about it is that he got the job through a temp agency which means that they get some of what he makes as commission and it's not for certain whether he will be able to stay there after his contract is done. Also, we don't know just how long the contract is even for. I guess we will just have to keep our fingers crossed, although I'm fairly sure that they'll see the same awesome things about his hard work as O'Reilly's has and not want to lose him. It's unfortunate that they couldn't pay him what he's actually worth (or even something approaching it would've been great), but it's their loss. Marco and I will both be laughing about it - in totally "I told you so" fashion," natch - when they can't find someone that comes anywhere close to replacing him. He's more or less been the assistant manager there for over a year - without the pay or the title. It's bull, really, and I'm thankful that we've been able to stick it out and get the timing right for the opportunity he's pounced on.

So hopefully by this time next year, we'll be living in an actual house in a quieter area. Princeton's not a bad town, although I'm only going on what Marco's told me. If things go well, we might be out of the trailer by March or April at the latest, November if things don't go according to plan.... So I suppose we're aiming for July or August... because we all know that nothing ever goes totally according to the plan.

Hope all you loverly readers are well! <3