Indecision

In a little of a funk, so mind your head; the light's dim in here today.

I may not be writing a blog for tomorrow; Marco will be off for the first Sunday in a very long time. He usually works open to close on Sunday, so it'll be awesome to have him home for a change.

So today I've been thinking about how hanging in limbo, waiting for life to start, is just no fun. Not really feeling sorry for myself, as I'm not too depressed about it, since I am at least trying. It's just been rather difficult for me to figure out what I want to do with my life, since I have to be here anyways and all. I'm trying to figure out what is most important to me; what do I really want to achieve? There's just too many options for me to comprehend sometimes. It gets frustrating when there are so many things to do but only so many that I actually enjoy and even fewer that I enjoy AND could make a life of doing.

For me, the problem has always been indecision. There's just too many options out in the world and even more still that's unknown or yet to be discovered! How am I supposed to light on something and stick with it? How do I know that I'm making the right choice?

I think, more than anything, that I want to make a difference in the world. Not something huge, but definitely a little bigger than the average person's impact. But I just don't know how to fix it.... To me, it seems as though life is hardly worth fighting for anymore when we're all so determined, as a society, to watch it burn. Just how do you convince people who are dead set on spreading their messages of hate and inequity that they are the reason they are angry and nobody else? Please, tell me how.

How do you convince people that it's much easier to just be considerate to one another; consider that we are all different and that there is no such thing as perfection or supremacy. We're all the same on the inside; we all just want something worth living for, something worth smiling for, and something worth nurturing.

But how does one put that into action when we all know subconsciously that it doesn't really matter. Eventually, there won't be a world left, thanks to the last couple centuries worth of poisoning it. It's incredible how it took thousands of years to build the society we live in today, only to have it implode upon itself like it is now. It almost makes me feel like going all, "the end is nigh" and whatnot, but I don't see it quite like that.

I mean, as long as I'm here anyways, might as well try....

I guess. I just don't know whether to believe it's actually worth it or not. Damn indecision.